Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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