I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
