I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
