Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am one with the molecules
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
