My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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