A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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