Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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