i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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