So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
