Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
