you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
