I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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