he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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