can we get nightvision for the apartment?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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