I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
