At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
