you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
