I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
