I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
