Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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