i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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