Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
