I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just cropdusted the office
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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