i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
