I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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