A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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