some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
