Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
