My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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