Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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