i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
