um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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