I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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