You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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