I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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