..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
