My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you had me at cake vodka
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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