He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
