Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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