need another drink. this is the easiest way
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
