He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
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Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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