my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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