well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
