"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
