i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
