She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just cropdusted the office
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
