i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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