see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
