I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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