it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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