my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
