My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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