she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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