ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
