I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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