last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
