Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
