I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
