So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
