whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
