I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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